有什么英语的幽默高雅的小对话
1.
Patient:Doctor,Ifeellikeapackofcards.
Psychiatrist:I'lldealwithyoulater.
Patient:Everyonekeepsignoringme.
Psychiatrist:Nextplease!
Mother:Mrs.Jokesnextdoorhasanewbaby.
Daughter:Whatwillshedowithheroldone?
Mother:Youprayedforgrandma,grandpa,andAuntSue.Whydidn'tyouprayforUncleJohntoo?
Daughter:Ididn'twanttoaskfortoomuch.
Parent:I'dlikeadaywithoutpunishingyou.
LittleMishief:Youhavemyfullpermission!
Sailor:Iwasshipwrecked,andlivedonacanofsardinesforaweek.
Captain:My,weren'tyouafraidthatyou'dfalloff?
Student:CouldIgetintroubleifIdidn'tdosomething?
Teacher:Well,Idon'tsupposeso.
Student:Inthatcase,Ididn'tdomyhomework.
Jim:What'swhite,steep,andhasears?
Tara:Idon'tknow.
Jim:Asnow-coveredmountain.
Tara:Whatabouttheears?
Jim:Haven'tyoueverheardofmountaineers?
CampCounselor:Howdidyougetthathorribleswellingonyournose?
Camper:Ibentdowntosmellabrose.
CampCounselor:Thereisn'taBinrose.
Camper:Therewasinthisone!
2.
Ben:Didyouhearaboutthenewdancecalledtheelevator?
Mike:Isuredidn't!What'sitlike?
Ben:Ithasnosteps!
Mailman1:Adogbitmeonthelegthismorning.
Mailman2:Didyouputanythingonit?
Mailman1:No,helikeditplain.
Teacher:Joey,pleaseusetheword"wagon"inasentence.
Joey:Ok,"IfItoldmydogtostopwagonhistail,hewouldstillwagon."
Teacher:Charles,pleaseuse"discount"inasentence.
Charles:Yes,ma'am."Doesdiscountasasentence?"
Teacher:Duff,pleaseusetheword"window"inasentence.
Duff:Yes,sir,heregoes:"Ienteredacontestbutdidn'twindow."
Teacher:Whatdolettersb.C.mean?
Pupil:BeforeCalculators.
Jake:Igotananonymousletter.
John:Fromwhom?
Lenny:MayIholdyourhand?
Jenny:No,itisnotthatheavy.
Don:Ididn'tknowourschoolwashaunted.
Ron:NeitherdidI.Howdidyoufindout?
Don:Everybody'sbeentalkingaboutourschoolspirit.
Brent:Inyouropinion,whatistheheightofstupidity?
Trent:Howtallareyou?
Customer:WhenIboughtthiscat,youtoldmehewasgoodformice.Hedoesn'tgonearthem!
Clerk:Well,isn'tthatgoodformice?
Customer:Hi.I'mlookingforagoodbuy.
Salesman:Oh.Ok.Goodbye.
Billy:Doyouwritewithyourrightorlefthand?
Joel:Mylefthand.
Billy:Wrong!Youwritewithapencil!
Jack:Didyouhearaboutthegiantthatthrewup?
Jill:No,how'dyouknow?
Jack:Itisallovertown!
Pam:Isitokaytoeathotdogswithhands?
Sam:No,hotdogsdon'thavehands!
Joe:Iwasbuiltbackwards.
Mary:How?
Joe:Mynoseruns,andmyfeetsmell!
MadProfessor:Ihavemadeanewinvention!
Student:Whatdoesitdo?
MadProfessor:Itallowspeopletolookthroughbrickwalls!
Student:Whatisitcalled?
MadProfessor:It'scalledawindow!
Bobby:I'veownedthiscarfor15yearsandneverhadawreck.
Prospectivebuyer:Youmeanyou'veownedthiswreckfor15yearsandneverhadacar.
Mary:Didyouknowthey'renotmakingpencilsanylonger?
Sue:Wow!Whynot?
Mary:They'realreadylongenough!
Michael:Iwasontvtoday.
Jeremy:You'rekidding!Howlongwereyouon?
Michael:Notverymuch.Whenmymomsawmeshejusttoldmetogetoff.
Sarah:Whywereyoulateforyourplane?
Jan:Ihadtosaygoodbyetomypets.
Sarah:Butyouwere2hourslate!
Jan:Ihaveanantfarm!
George:Look,Ijustfoundalostbaseball.
Louis:Howdoyouknowit'slost?
George:Becausethekidsdownthestreetarestilllookingforit!
Mom:Whatareyoudoing?
Bob:Washingmyself,ofcourse.
Mom:Withoutsoapandwater?
Bob:Haven'tyoueverheardofdrycleaning.
Teacher:Say,youcan'tsleepinmyclass.
Student:Icouldifyoudidn'ttalksoloud.
Teacher:Chubb,whoinventedtheairplanethatdidnotfly?
Chubb:TheWrongBrothers.
3.
ANNIEBUDDY?ANNIEWAN?NOEWAN?SUMBUDDY?
LeeSumWan:HellocanispeaktoAnnieWan
MrSori:Yesucouldspeaktome.
LeeSumWan:No,iwanttospeaktoAnnieWan!
MrSori:Youaretalkingtosomeone!Whoisthis?
LeeSumWan:ImSumWan.AndineedtotalktoAnnieWan!Itsurgent.
MrSori:Iknowuaresomeoneanduwanttotalktoanyone!Butwhatsthisurgentmatterabout?
LeeSumWan:WelljusttellmysisterAnnieWanthatourbrotherwasinvolvedinanaccident.NoeWangotinjured
andnowNoewanisbeingsenttothehospital.RightnowAveryWanisgoingtothehospital.
MrSori:Lookifnoonewasinjuredandnoonewassenttothehospitalfromtheaccidentthatis'ntanurgentmatter!
Youmayfindthishilariousbutidonthavetimeforthis!!!
LeeSumWan:Youarerude.Whoareyou?
MrSori:ImSori.
LeeSumWan:Youshouldbesorry.Nowgivemeyourname!
MrSori:ImSori!!
LeeSumWan:IdontlikeyourtoneofvoiceMrandidontcare,givemeyourname!
MrSori:Looklady,ItoldyoualreadyImSori!ImSori!!ImSORI!!!youdidntevengivemeyourname!
LeeSumWan:Itoldubeforei'mSumWan!SumWan!!!YoubetterbecarefulmyfatherisSumBuddy.
Andmyuncleholdsaverybigpositioninthecompany.HeisNoeBuddy.
MrSori:Ohi'msoscared(sarcastically).Lookidontcareaboutyrunclehe'sanobody.Everybodythinkshistopdog
andholdinganimportantpositioninthecompany.
LeeSumWan:No,AveryBuddyjustmarriedmyaunt.AndAveryBuddydoesn'tworkthere.
MrSori:Likeisaididontcarewhichoneofyrauntscrewseverybodyandialsoknowthatnoteverybodyworkshere!Jeez!!!
LeeSumWan:WheechWanismysis!
Mr.Sori:Idon'tknowwhichoneisyrsis!Whyingodsnameuthinkido!?
Lookigotworktodoandifi'mfeelingmischieviousi'llbroadcastitontheP.Asystemsaying.
"Attention,someonecalledandsaidthatanyonesbrotherjustgotinvolvedinanaccident.
Butnottoworrynoonegotinjuredandnoonewassenttothehospital.
Buteveryoneisgoingtothehospitalanyways.Thefathermaybeasomebodybutifu'retheiruncle,u'reanobody.
"howboutthat!?
Toot....Toot....Toot.................
英语二人幽默对话
男:Thisseatempty?（这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes,andthisonewillbeifyousitdown.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）【我立马走人】
男：Haven''tIseenyousomeplacebefore?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：Yes.That''swhyIdon''tgothereanymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）【我不想和你有任何交集】
男：WillyougooutwithmethisSaturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry.I''mhavingaheadachethisweekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼)【^_^头疼也是可以预约的】
男：CanIhaveyourname?（我能知道你的名字吗？）
女：Why?Don''tyoualreadyhaveone?（为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
男：I''maphotographer.I''vebeenlookingforafacelikeyours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I''maplasticsurgeon.I''vebeenlookingforafacelikeyours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）【长的真丑】
男：IthinkIcouldmakeyouveryhappy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why?Areyouleaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）【你能离开就是对我的仁慈】
急求一份幽默诙谐式的英语口语二人对话范文
经典对话一：
男：CanIbuyyouadrink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）
女：ActuallyI’dratherhavethemoney.（不必，我宁愿留下那些钱。)
经典对话二：
男：CanIhaveyourname?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）
女：Why?Don’tyoualreadyhaveone?（为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
经典对话三：
男：I’maphotographer.I’vebeenlookingforafacelikeyours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I’maplasticsurgeon.I’vebeenlookingforafacelikeyours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
经典对话四：
男：Isthisseatempty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes,andthisonewillbeifyousitdown.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）
经典对话五：
男：Haven’tIseenyousomeplacebefore?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：Yes.That’swhyIdon’tgothereanymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）
经典对话六：
男：WillyougooutwithmethisSaturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry.I’mhavingaheadachethisweekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）
经典对话七：
男：IthinkIcouldmakeyouveryhappy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why?Areyouleaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）
